I’m dating this guy who’s done a lot of work with celebrities. As he’s telling me about his close encounters with various stars, I feel worse and worse.
On the outside, I’m all smiles and nods.
On the inside, my running dialogue goes like this:
“He’s never going to love me if I’m not famous. I could have been famous if I’d stuck with stand-up. Why didn’t I stick with stand-up? I’m such a failure.”
And there you have it, folks – my deepest, darkest insecurities in two short lines:
- I’m not good enough as I am so I need to achieve some ridiculous standard
- I feel like a failure
Ah… nothing like dating to bring up your inner demons.
But these lies don’t just surface in relationships, they surface in my business, showing up when I:
- Delay approaching someone for cross-promotional opportunities because I don’t feel worthy of their attention.
- Launch a program that no one buys and am flooded with painful memories of every other venture that didn’t live up to expectations (proving, of course, that I am a failure)
- Get so involved in a task, I forget an important meeting and then spend an hour beating myself up for it.
Those high school bullies have nothing on the bitch in my head.
Why am I telling you this?
One, because vulnerability is scary for me and so this is good practice, and two, because:
Feelings aren’t facts.
When I step out of my comfort zone and do things where I feel like I’m not good enough, rarely does anyone put me down for trying.
And, when I do fall on my face (as you will when you are learning something new), even though I feel like merde, I lick my wounds, look at what I could have done differently, get back up and keep moving.
And that is NOT the sign of a loser or someone who is a failure.
That is a sign of someone with exceptional courage.
It takes courage to put your heart on the line.
It takes courage to hear that inner dialogue and recognize it as the whispers of an ancient ghost that has no place in the reality of here and now.
And, more than anything, it takes courage to act.
On a previous date, this same guy told me he thought I was out of his league. Yet, he still made a move.
Let that inspire you.
You are not your thoughts. You are what you do with them.